Kid Say Wha?!

Here is Ollie telling action figurine 'Robin' a bedtime tale about the Baby Jesus Christmas Story... Ollie's superhero version. Needless to say, I think he has his characters turned around a bit, and also has some historical inaccuracies. He does know the real version, I swear.

This video is somewhat long, so feel free to skip ahead to the last minute or so, around 2:25.

Disclaimer: DO NOT watch if you are easily offended.

Here is a transcript of that last minute for those who can't decipher '3-year-old boy':

Ollie: Now he gotta tell... ALL the rest of the story. Once upon a time there was every kind of flower, that the bad good king did. He just... print a flower out, then Baby Jesus coloured one. He decided to colour everything he wants. But one day... who come-d? 

Evan: I don't know. Who was it? 

Ollie: The Bad Shepherds. 

Evan: The Bad Shepherds? 

Ollie: Yeah. And they have horses AGAIN! 

Evan: They have horses again? 

Ollie: Yeah! And they... SHOOT Baby Jesus! And then... they runned away back to... 

Evan: He's been resurrected five times!

Elephants Never Forget

One of Lena's favourite things to do is make up stories, and tell them to whoever will pay marginal attention to her ramblings (usually me). The other day, Lena's story went something like this:

Lena: Once upon a time, there was a princess, and she was pretty and beautiful. And it was a birthday. And she had a party and it was so much fun. And she had all her friends, called brother and someone else, and they jumped and jumped and jumped on all the colours. And she played on a horse. And they did more jumping. And it was fun. And then they had balloons, and the princess had a pink one, and the brother had a green one, and the other person had a blue one. And then they had cupcakes. And they were so yummy. And they were birthday cakes, because it was a princess birthday. And they had chicken nuggets . And they watched a movie.

Me: Hmmm... that's nice. What movie was it?

Lena: Umm... 'How To Train Your Dragon'. And it was the best birthday ever. And the princess was so happy.

At which point, I actually started thinking about what she had just told me, and slowly realized that she was recounting her last birthday, almost a year ago. We took the kids, and one of Lena's friends, to 'Jump On It', a warehouse filled with trampolines, brightly coloured crash mats, and bouncy slides. When they were there, Lena had a turn on a plastic horse ride. On the way home we got them Happy Meals, and we went to a cupcake store and got a dozen brightly coloured gourmet cupcakes (much better, IMO, than making a million cupcakes like I've done for previous birthdays). We got three helium balloons, a different colour for each child (I think Lena actually got the colours right, too) and then they watched 'How To Train Your Dragon'.

Lena had remembered not only that she had had a birthday party, but details about the party that I had even forgotten. I was impressed. My mind was blown. I simply could not believe she had remembered that far back.

I guess Evan and I need to be more vigilant about censoring the things we say and do in front of our kids...

And to prove that it all really did happen (and I suppose, better late than never)...

(Apologies for the poor quality... Man, it was dark in there...)

(Why, yes, Lena did throw a tantrum as we were leaving to get a ride on the plastic horse. We caved... it being her birthday and all...)

Long Day

It is half past midnight. Evan is still at school... he left around seven yesterday morning-- MBA widow? Yes, yes I am.

We are all still battling colds from two weeks ago. I hate colds. At least with the flu it comes and wrecks havoc and leaves after a few days. Colds last forever.

I have a major headache.

Ollie has a fever and an ear infection. A few days ago it was weeping pus everywhere. It was totally gross. At least now it is getting better, and I don't doubt that it still hurts, but, man, that kid is milking it.

It is freezing. One thing I love about our house is that we have large shady trees in the backyard that keep out the worst of the sun in the summer. Those same trees, however, keep any and all warmth out of the house during the winter. I know, I know... cry me a river. We live in Arizona. But I am telling you, it is cold. And I hate cold.

Because of the last point, whilst making myself tea today I poured boiling water all over my hand.

Then I ate a whole Cadbury's bar to take away the pain. Which will go nicely with the Freshman 15 I gained over the holidays. (I don't think it was 15, but it sure as hell feels like it.)

Long. Day.

I put myself on a time out a few hours ago. Twenty minutes later, after deciding to be a responsible parent, I went back out to the living room to find that Lena and Ollie (mostly Lena) had picked up their stray colouring pages and crayons, and other random assortments of (their) stuff. Lena was also on her hands and knees scrubbing the tile with a wet face cloth. Sure, there were pools of water on the kitchen floor, but she had done it "So that [I] could be happy and feel better."

The thoughts that went through my head right then:
1. Awwww... that's so cute!
2. Wait, is the kitchen flooded?
3. Man, I should have done that a looooooong time ago.
4. I am a such terrible mother that my child thinks she needs to resort to slave labour to make me happy.
5. I need to stop being so wrapped up in myself.
6. Awwww... that's so cute!
7. I love my kids.

Then we all cuddled on the couch and watched movies for the rest of the night. I promised the kids they could stay up until Daddy got home. Ollie didn't make it... he is fast asleep. And snoring. Lena is still valiantly awake, and lapping up "The Princess Diaries". Feminism can wait for another day.