Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Kid Say Wha?!

Here is Ollie telling action figurine 'Robin' a bedtime tale about the Baby Jesus Christmas Story... Ollie's superhero version. Needless to say, I think he has his characters turned around a bit, and also has some historical inaccuracies. He does know the real version, I swear.

This video is somewhat long, so feel free to skip ahead to the last minute or so, around 2:25.

Disclaimer: DO NOT watch if you are easily offended.


Here is a transcript of that last minute for those who can't decipher '3-year-old boy':

Ollie: Now he gotta tell... ALL the rest of the story. Once upon a time there was every kind of flower, that the bad good king did. He just... print a flower out, then Baby Jesus coloured one. He decided to colour everything he wants. But one day... who come-d? 
Evan: I don't know. Who was it? 
Ollie: The Bad Shepherds. 
Evan: The Bad Shepherds? 
Ollie: Yeah. And they have horses AGAIN! 
Evan: They have horses again? 
Ollie: Yeah! And they... SHOOT Baby Jesus! And then... they runned away back to... 
Evan: He's been resurrected five times!


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Jaunty Angle

I don't know if this even bothers other people, but does anyone else sometimes feel like they are about to slide off their chair when they look at certain photos? Let me explain...

Th first thing people do when they get interested in photography is try to come up with ways to make their boring pictures from their point-and-shoot/cell phone camera/whatever more interesting. Good for them. I did that. I still do that. All the time. There is messing the around with post-processing, more thoughtful composition, getting high, getting low, trying to see things a little differently, and that is just the start of things. Sometimes things work, and sometimes they don't. Lest it be mistaken, I have had my fair share of photography experiments that I loved at the time and now look back on and cringe.

As an amateur hobbyist I don't have a problem with people trying out new things with their cameras. That is how you learn: by trying. But there is one thing I refuse to stop being a snob about, and that is when people think they are being creative by taking an everyday picture at a 45-degree angle. All the freaking time. I understand quirky angles, and I understand using dramatic angles for creative purposes. But, really, I don't need to see your kitchen table looking like it is about to slide out of the photo or a bookshelf that looks precariously balanced. Case and point, this photo found on Flickr. Lady on the left, your food is about to disappear into your lap.

Let me demonstrate with some pictures of my own.



This is an absolutely nothing special picture of Evan and Lena a few years ago on a dirt road somewhere in the desert in either Colorado or Utah. Poor composition, poor exposure, blah blah blah. The reason I took it is because Lena had just slid off the side of the track down the hill, and was covered in dirt, and Evan had scooped her up to bring her back to the car. I wanted to remember that moment. In all of its boringness. The mountains in the background give away that I wasn't paying any attention to the composition, as the angle is a little off, but the road seems reasonably level enough.

What happens though if we tilt it jauntily, though? (Forgive the crappy photoshopping.)


Maybe a little more interesting, or a little more sloppy, depending on how you may be feeling? Still, it is reasonable enough to assume that if this were a true angle that Evan could legitimately be walking on that track. But this one?


Oh. Em. Gee. My husband is going to fall over backwards, drop my child, and the car is going to slide off this ridiculously angled road. Look, the tire tracks even veer off down the slope.

Or another one, shall we?


This is a view to the north of Utah County on the side of Y-Mountain taken last year. The weather was spectacular, but this picture could have used some better exposure as well as a tripod, and a host of other things.

Now let's tilt it a bit.


Alright. Definitely seeing the need for proper composure especially in landscape photography, but nothing completely disconcerting.

But this one?


Holy *&%^! Good thing I was around with my camera to capture Utah Lake rapidly draining out of the valley!

Or this way...


OMG! OMG! OMG! Call the fire brigade. Happy Valley is being consumed by floodwaters. And I am about to fall of my chair tilting my head to look at this picture at the correct angle.

Seriously. Am I alone in feeling this way? I know I am far from perfect (photography included), but sometimes I feel like Scar on the Lion King... "I am surrounded by idiots." Unsolicited tips for the day: tilt your camera by all means, but don't overdo it. My neck hurts, and I enjoy keeping my balance. Your jaunty angle looks kind of ridiculous, and you aren't doing anything unique. Unless you are being purposefully creative. In which case forget everything I just said.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Truths for Mature Humans

I know that this has been floating around the blogosphere for a while, but yes.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Say Cheese

This is what happens when I ask my kids to smile for the camera.


Punks.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Buzz

This is Ollie.

Periodically we get conversations like this:
Me: Hey, Ollie. Can you come over here?
*Nothing*
Me: Ollie? Come here, please.
Ollie: I'm Buzz.
Me: Oh. Hey, Buzz?
Ollie: (Excited) Yes?
Me: Can you come here, Buzz?
Ollie: Yes! I'm Buzz Lightyear! To infinity and beyond!

He has even mastered the Buzz Lightyear/superhero hands-on-hip stance.

But perhaps the most endearing development is the laser. ("It's not a laser; it's a little lightbulb that blinks!") Said laser is activated by pointing a finger at a target, and using the other hand to push the laser button on the pointing hand.

I should also mention that Buzz likes to be tickled. And his preferred mode of defense when attacked my the Tickling Mummy Monster is to activate his laser with shooting laser noises. Yes, my son is so deep in character that he believes his superhero toy powers are real. It is fantastic.


Monday, January 3, 2011

Knock, Knock

The kids had far too much fun over breakfast this morning. Evan walked in on them playing their version of 'Knock, Knock', which went something like this:

O: Quack, quack.
A: Who's there?
O: STRAWBERRY!

And then they both would roar with laughter. Evan came in an relayed all of this to me, bent double from laughing so hard, and in the background I could hear kid giggles in 5 second intervals.

I'll take what they're having.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

New Christmas Carol

According to Ollie:

Angels we have heard on high
Sweetly singing aeroplanes
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous trains

I think it goes along nicely with the version of "I am a Child of God" that we taught them, which includes the line "with parents kind of weird". And the version of "Book of Mormon Stories", where the fathers of the Lamanites were "given the land if they went right to sleep". (It's a great song for bedtime.)

Primary is going to be awesome.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Metamorphosis

Daddy: What are you learning about?
Lena: Metamorphosis!
Daddy: Metamorphosis? Cool! What's metamorphosis?
Lena: Metamorphosis is when a butterfly turns into a butterfly!

Ah, Lena... So close!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Sweet Dreams

I have finally figured out what babies dream about.

Food.

All the time.

Well, at least my kids do. Today we had a fairly long day of sleeping in, lazing around, watering our garden, and (somehow) making it to IKEA. Poor Oliver had been cranky the entire day, and even lunch of swedish meatballs and mac and cheese wasn't enough to tide our tired boy over. After tantrums and assertions of independence spanning both levels of the store, we decided to get ice cream/frozen yogurt at the end in an effort to plug some happy vibes into our kids. Apart from the moments when Daddy had to sneak giant mouthfuls off of Lena and Ollie's cones so they didn't melt everywhere... and the ensuing tellings off that Daddy received "No Daddy! No! Ice Cream!"... it was a big success.

So much of a success that Oliver, in a sugar coma, fell asleep before we hit the freeway. He then proceeded to dream about his ice cream cone the WHOLE way home. How do we know? Take a look.



And then when we got home, he woke up in a daze and promptly fisted his hand and licked his imaginary cone. And kept licking. And kept licking. I think he was a little very disappointed that there was nothing there. Poor baby boy. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Whilst Watching LOTR 1...

Lena: "Wow! Look at the castle! It's really pretty!"
Daddy: "That's the elf castle. It's called Rivendell."
Lena: "No... It's not called Rivendell: It's Heavenly Father's castle."

Silly Daddy.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Rainbow

This happened back before Christmas, but I never got around to sharing it.

The jist of things was this:
Lena: Mummy!! Mummy, look!! A rainbow! It's a really really is a rainbow!! LOOK, Mummy!
Me: Hmmm?
Lena: It's a RAINBOW!
Me: (Look outside at the cloudless, sunny day) ...Yes, Lena. Very nice...
Lena: No, Mummy. A rainbow on the floor, a rainbow!
Then she tugged me over to the floor where a beam of sunlight was hitting a vase just perfectly and refracting into a rainbow on the floor.
Lena: See, Mummy? A RAINBOW! It's sooooo beautiful!

Proceeded by much ooh-ing and ahh-ing by Lena, and me trying to snap pictures of her unadulterated glee. It was fascinating to see her try to work out what was happening as she did all the usual toddler investigative stuff like sniff it, trying to grab it, kissing it, licking it...



Oh, to be a child....

Friday, March 5, 2010

Hmmm... It's a Bit Furry...

Growing up, one of my dad's old standby stories was of the first time he visited Ireland. He was there for a rugby match (All Blacks vs. Ireland if I remember correctly) and spent the whole day trying, without success, to figure out this strange race of people. He arrived at the stadium, where some NZ company or the Department of Agriculture or someone of that nature had set up booths giving away free kiwi fruit for the Irish to try. Dad made his way to his seat and found himself behind two Irish men who were trying to eat their free kiwi fruit like apples. Skin and all. "Hmm... It's a bit furry...", one said to the other, as my dad stifled sniggers. Oh those poor, silly Irish folk.

So, naturally, I just had to share the day that Oliver decided he would call upon his Irish heritage and eat his first kiwi fruit, skin and all. Appropriately, he was wearing an All Blacks shirt at the time. (Thanks Evan for getting the camera out.)








Sunday, September 20, 2009

Honey Bunches of Oats

Lena: Mummy, I want cereal.
Me: Please.
Lena: Please. I want honeys. I want honeys.
Me: Honeys?
Lena: Honeys! I want HONEYS.
Me: Oh, Honey Bunches of Oats...?
Lena: Honey munches a boat.
Me: No, Ho-ney bun-ches of oats.
Lena: (indignantly) Yes. Honey munches a boat. Right.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Family Home Evening

Evan and I went out to dinner early this evening. We went to Spark Restaurant Lounge, and spent far more than we should, but it was marvelous. I love the food there. It also helped that we had a 40% off coupon (yay!).

When we got home we spent some time playing with the kids on the floor... mainly because sitting in chairs was painful on our stomachs. Oliver exhibited his rugby scrum moves, and toddled around cackling. Lena giggled and told us how much she missed us while we were gone. Then this happened:

Evan: Hey, Lena. Shhhhhhhhhh....

[farts really loudly]

Lena: Hahahahahahaha!

[Oliver laughs because everyone else is laughing]

Lena: Hey, Daddy. Shhhhhhhhhh.....

POOP!

At which point Evan and I rolled on the floor laughing. Laughing so hard that I thought I was going to puke up those 4 courses I just ate at the fancy restaurant. Laughing so hard that Lena started laughing hysterically at us. Laughing so hard that Oliver wandered over and sycophantically upped the volume of his laughter.

"Pooooooop! Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Poooooooooooop!"


So much for the spiritual message...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Oliver's New Expression

A week or two back (Wha...?? It's already June??) Oliver developed a new facial expression. He kind of lifts his eyebrows, and squints his eyes, and does his usual open-mouthed smile. He does it for practically any reason (and especially when he knows he has done something wrong and is about to get into trouble...), and it makes him look rather comical.

Somehow, pictures never seem to do things like this justice, but you can't tell me that these don't make you smile...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I Love My 'Job'

Most of my days are filled with amusing little incidents involving one or other (or both!) of the kids. I often think to myself that I should write them down or blog about them so I won't forget about them, but inevitably it slips my mind as I change that blown-out stinky diaper, or clean puke out of the carpet. But not today! (Lucky you.)

Amusing incident #1:
After Lena woke up from her late afternoon nap I fixed her some ramen noodles and peas, and mandarin oranges (separately) whilst I was getting dinner going. She loves both foods and if she ran things her way I am confident that she would have noddles and orange segments for every meal and snack. That and chocolate. And cookies. And ice cream. I digress. So, I was cooking and had Oliver on the kitchen floor playing with toys. Then I heard giggling and "Good job, Oliver. Good job!" "Mmmmm. Yummy. Oliver likes it." and, low and behold, I turn to find Lena pulling noddles, peas, and oranges off her plate and on to the floor in front of Oliver, and Oliver pummelling the living daylights out of said food. It was in his hair, and on his face, and up his nose, and ground into his clothes, and just... everywhere. He of course was loving it like a pig in poop, and Alena was so proud of herself. "Mmmm. Yummy. Oliver likes it."

Amusing incident #2:
Per this post, we are teaching Lena animals and their corresponding noises. She has gotten pretty fast at spouting them off too. I am constantly amazed at the information that she soaks up, and the complex processes she has learned and which are now autonomous. But I digress, again. My conversation with Lena before bed went something like this:
"What's this Lena?"
"A cow"
"And the cow says"
"Mooooooo"
"And this is...?"
"A puppy"
"And the puppy says"
"Woof woof"
"And this?"
"It's a pig. Oink Oink"
"And this is a..."
"A teddy bear"
"And bears say..."
"Roar [but deep and throaty like she has been smoking cigars recently]"
"And what's this?"
"A bird."
"And the bird says...?"
"[deep, throaty, and roar-like] Buuuuwwwdd!"

At which point I fell over laughing. Evidently we still have some work to do.

Amusing incident #3:
More a fact really. Oliver snorts when he is being tickled and laughs really hard.

I love my kids.