Kid Say Wha?!

Here is Ollie telling action figurine 'Robin' a bedtime tale about the Baby Jesus Christmas Story... Ollie's superhero version. Needless to say, I think he has his characters turned around a bit, and also has some historical inaccuracies. He does know the real version, I swear.

This video is somewhat long, so feel free to skip ahead to the last minute or so, around 2:25.

Disclaimer: DO NOT watch if you are easily offended.

Here is a transcript of that last minute for those who can't decipher '3-year-old boy':

Ollie: Now he gotta tell... ALL the rest of the story. Once upon a time there was every kind of flower, that the bad good king did. He just... print a flower out, then Baby Jesus coloured one. He decided to colour everything he wants. But one day... who come-d? 

Evan: I don't know. Who was it? 

Ollie: The Bad Shepherds. 

Evan: The Bad Shepherds? 

Ollie: Yeah. And they have horses AGAIN! 

Evan: They have horses again? 

Ollie: Yeah! And they... SHOOT Baby Jesus! And then... they runned away back to... 

Evan: He's been resurrected five times!

Elephants Never Forget

One of Lena's favourite things to do is make up stories, and tell them to whoever will pay marginal attention to her ramblings (usually me). The other day, Lena's story went something like this:

Lena: Once upon a time, there was a princess, and she was pretty and beautiful. And it was a birthday. And she had a party and it was so much fun. And she had all her friends, called brother and someone else, and they jumped and jumped and jumped on all the colours. And she played on a horse. And they did more jumping. And it was fun. And then they had balloons, and the princess had a pink one, and the brother had a green one, and the other person had a blue one. And then they had cupcakes. And they were so yummy. And they were birthday cakes, because it was a princess birthday. And they had chicken nuggets . And they watched a movie.

Me: Hmmm... that's nice. What movie was it?

Lena: Umm... 'How To Train Your Dragon'. And it was the best birthday ever. And the princess was so happy.

At which point, I actually started thinking about what she had just told me, and slowly realized that she was recounting her last birthday, almost a year ago. We took the kids, and one of Lena's friends, to 'Jump On It', a warehouse filled with trampolines, brightly coloured crash mats, and bouncy slides. When they were there, Lena had a turn on a plastic horse ride. On the way home we got them Happy Meals, and we went to a cupcake store and got a dozen brightly coloured gourmet cupcakes (much better, IMO, than making a million cupcakes like I've done for previous birthdays). We got three helium balloons, a different colour for each child (I think Lena actually got the colours right, too) and then they watched 'How To Train Your Dragon'.

Lena had remembered not only that she had had a birthday party, but details about the party that I had even forgotten. I was impressed. My mind was blown. I simply could not believe she had remembered that far back.

I guess Evan and I need to be more vigilant about censoring the things we say and do in front of our kids...

And to prove that it all really did happen (and I suppose, better late than never)...

(Apologies for the poor quality... Man, it was dark in there...)

(Why, yes, Lena did throw a tantrum as we were leaving to get a ride on the plastic horse. We caved... it being her birthday and all...)

Aaaaaaaand... We're Back

Where to begin?

We made the big move from good ol' Utah to Arizona. (Have I mentioned I hate moving? Because, it pretty much blows.) Realizing how little we would have per month on a student budget when we got to AZ, we elected to buy a house. Huh? Yup. It is officially cheaper to buy than to rent in Phoenix (by a lot, thank you crazy housing market), so we took advantage of the economic downturn, and an old man with Alzheimer's, and signed our life away.

(As a major side note, there is nothing like stress to sap you of any desire to pick up a camera and be creative, let alone to document stuff. Sorry, Mum.)

We scored a moderate fixer... enough work that it was kind of a pain (also read "ugly"), but enough work that it feels like ours and we can continue to make it our own, and we got a good deal. There enough room for us, and a backyard. We also got into a nice quiet area with good neighbours, and a very good school district, and we are also easy biking distance from campus for Evan. Plus, we have loads of grocery stores nearby (including Whole Foods!), malls, Lowes, Home Depot, Ikea, Costco, pools, parks, Jimmy Johns, Chipotle, and practically everything we would ever need in about a 4 mile radius, which we are coming to find in Phoenix means really, really close. (The stars aligned.)

I will post later about the remodel, but for now here is a picture of the outside that we took when we first looked at the place in July. Word of warning: we did not pick the house colours. And we obviously have not done a thing to it since. One day we will repaint, but not anytime soon, that is for sure. We have to finish painting inside first, at least.

Wow, that tree looked so much greener than it is now. Hmm... we should probably do something about that before it falls on our roof.
Oh, and obviously, we will put in plants to brighten things up one day too.

I don't know if you noticed, but, yes, there is a barrel cactus planted in the middle of a stone circle, with boulders placed at the cardinal points in the front yard. I think, judging from the rest of the house, that was the old dude's attempt at decorating. But, Evan and I had a good laugh about pagan rituals, Wiccans, and sacrificial offerings when we first saw it.

Free to a good home: barrel cactus in good condition and four matching boulders.

So anyway, between closing and remodelling and packing we spent an awful lot of the last 2-3 months in our car driving between Utah, California, and Arizona. (CA was mainly so we could drop off kids with grandparents, while we did house things.)

Speaking of driving, I am sure I have griped to some of you, but we made a trip from CA to AZ and back in July in a truck with no airconditioning. You can't claim to be hardcore until you've sweated out that trip in 100+-heat-by-10-AM. We survived by getting bags of ice in Yuma, and holding on to them for dear life. On the way back we figured out that double bagging the ice in two trash bags prevented most, if not all of the ice-cold drenchings we were subjected to if we made a wrong move. I would have taken pictures to document, but you know, it was too hot to think.

We also celebrated out 5th anniversary. We went out with our kids to Pizzaria 712... we didn't want to leave them behind. My most favourite restaurant in the whole wide world. I have never had anything from there that was not astonishingly good. And, as a side note, I love that we can take our kids to that kind of restaurant and they will gladly eat whatever we are eating.

That is Ollie tucking his napkin into his shirt, which ended up being all the way in his shirt and then out the bottom.

See? They ate *our* food. (Brag, brag, brag.)

Then we took the kids to the moonlight ski-lift ride at Sundance. We have been wanting to do that ever since we first got to Utah, and just never found the time. But I am glad we made time for it. It was a great way to go out. And to prove that we were there we had this taken afterwards.

And then, of course, before we knew it, the summer was almost over, and our moving truck was picked up, and we had barely packed (even though I spent weeks carefully packing beforehand). Not to mention, it was time for us to go before we got to put even a scratch in our Utah Bucket List. (That is for another time, but most of it is some form of hiking or some form of eating. Probably best in that order, too.) Did I mention I hate packing? Did I also mention I hate packing a truck when we are supposed to be on a tight schedule, and we have to wait for 6 hours for the piano movers to get the bloody piano in the truck before we can do anything? We finally finished out about 12 hours after we had planned (although we had kind of planned that we would not run on schedule, so I guess it was planned), and I was so ready to get on the road and get the heck out that I didn't even take a picture of the truck. Sad day (*fake tear*). It was a thing of beauty, too: Evan masterfully packed it to the brim like Tetris. And we didn't even have any casualties on the other end.

I also hit a new milestone, which was travelling in the car with the kids by myself for a very long road trip. In fact, doing a whole road trip by myself was a first, too. Here are pictures of the kids, with Alena looking deceptively happy, on our way down that mesa right after Lake Powell, after the world's-worst-two-hour-nap... I'm actually not kidding.

Here Oliver is actually telling you what will happen to your body if you fall over the side of the railing... "...you will go down, down, and squish like this..."

Oh, and one of Evan, who got to drive the rental truck with the dog, whilst caravaning behind me. Lucky, lucky.

I conveniently did not get any pictures of myself.

And then after we finally (finally!) arrived (13 hours late) at our new home, and unpacked the truck in record time (an hour) so that the (2 hours early) piano movers could get to my dear musical instrument strapped at the absolute back of the vehicle, we spent a couple of days doing this:

And "this", of course, is sleeping, but more specifically, sleeping on mattresses on the floor with only the  most essential of mismatched bedsheets, while our bedframes lay propped against walls because it was too much darn work to put them together.

That's it for now. And if you made it this far you win the prize of me being the most impressed by your perseverance.

P.S. Evan started his Marriage Break-up Association a few weeks ago, and is doing well so far. And thanks to our ridiculous school + two jobs + me in school too schedule over the last year, I am coping with him being away from home for at least 12 hours a day much better than most other partners. Yay.

Knock, Knock

The kids had far too much fun over breakfast this morning. Evan walked in on them playing their version of 'Knock, Knock', which went something like this:

O: Quack, quack.
A: Who's there?
O: STRAWBERRY!

And then they both would roar with laughter. Evan came in an relayed all of this to me, bent double from laughing so hard, and in the background I could hear kid giggles in 5 second intervals.

I'll take what they're having.

Time flies when you're having... fun?

Quick(ish) update:

We are still alive.

I have been back at school since May. Full-time.

I will be mostly done with my degree by the time Evan graduates. I will have completed all my major credits.

I wish I had been as dedicated to my school-work last time around as this time.

Evan is still in school and will graduate in April. Full-time. Plus work.

Did I mention Evan is The Man and taking 22 credits this semester?

And next.

And we are both doing capstone classes next semester, too. Crazy? Why, yes.

We got a dog. Her name is Lulu. She is a 3 year old Greater Swiss Mountain Dog. With a puppy brain.

The kids love the dog.

Oliver turned two.

Evan turned 26.

Alena turned 16.

Oliver joined the circus.

We saw Aunty Hayley in CA in August.

The kids got 'bikes'. And love them.

Potty training is complete. (The grand finale was last night as Oliver wandered into my room and proudly announced, "Mummy, I did poops!" at which point I had visions of poop trails on my carpet. But actually it was in the toilet. Alhamdulillah.)

We went camping. Twice.

We went hiking. A lot.

And saw four moose.

We beached.

And parked.

Yes, that is our dog jumping up onto the slide. And, yes, she loves going down them, too.

And I ran a 5k in this:

Then overnight it went from this:

To this:

Ah, well. C'est la vie.

On with finals!

Metamorphosis

Daddy: What are you learning about?

Lena: Metamorphosis!

Daddy: Metamorphosis? Cool! What's metamorphosis?

Lena: Metamorphosis is when a butterfly turns into a butterfly!

Ah, Lena... So close!

Unbelievable...

For the last year or so, I have had some bad luck with bikes.

There was the really, really nice one that my Dad bought me, which was stolen last Memorial Day weekend.

Then, there was the jalopy that I pieced together from parts and pieces of various dead bicycles that were left behind the apartment complex where we live. I figured it was such a piece of junk that nobody would ever think to steal it.

I mean, I was riding it down the street once, sitting up, with no hands... and the BIKE SEAT fell off, landing me right on the back wheel and then flat on my face. The bolt that held the seat on had sheared off completely. Surely enough, that one walked off too.

So, we poked around Craigslist and found an awesome, inexpensive old 10-speed road bike. We picked it up and I LOVED it. I love the adrenalin rush that you get from something that is made to go so quickly in such an effortless way. In short fashion, that one got stolen too.

Which puts us in about September of last year. 4 months, 3 bikes later. I finally learned my lesson. It wasn't enough to lock things outside. It wasn't enough to just leave a bike outside *just for a second* (no, seriously) while I ran upstairs.

Finally we wised up, and I now keep my bike inside. Locked. Inside. I have plans to put a bolt into a stud in the wall and physically chain my bike to the wall. Until that happens, I keep my bike in closer proximity.

All of this brings me back to my main - unbelievable - point. Last week, we were working in the garden planting tomatoes. Well, Hannah and I were planting things. The kids were doing a good job digging things up. Suddenly, I see a guy walk by, wheeling a KHS soft-tail mountain bike.

"Huh," I said to myself, "That looks an awful lot like my old (nice) bike. How many KHS bikes are there going to be around here... No bike shops carry them." I think my mental filter was off because of the physical labor of the gardening, and I spurted out "Hey man, nice bike... I used to have one just like it, same color & everything... but some jerk stole it."

After a little bit of chit-chat, I asked if I could see the bike a bit closer. Curiously, it just happened to have the same click-in clipless pedals that my old one had. It even had a "Performance" sticker and "Performance" water-bottle cage. Performance, for those of you who probably don't know, is a bike shop that doesn't exist in Utah. It does have locations in California, though.

This bike had a dented back wheel, just like the one I dented trying to jump down a huge flight of stairs at BYU-Idaho. One of the shifters was a bit screwy, just like the bike that had been stolen from me.

IT WAS MY BIKE!

After a short period of freaking out, and a period of time resisting the urge to rip the guy's head off, (He was just as surprised as I was... he bought it from a friend who picked it up from a local pawn shop sometime last year,) I offered to buy it from him.

And he agreed!

I got my bike back! Heck. Yeah.!

Why I love (and why I picked) Economics

I love Economics. Hannah consistently teases me about the way that it has affected my ability to think clearly (take that as you will) but I thoroughly enjoy my classes and the subject matter.

It helps that my teachers spend the first few minutes of every class showing Youtube clips like this one that they’ve received from their students or fellow professors. (It also really helps that BYU finally un-blocked traffic to the Youtube site from their on campus servers…) But, Youtube entertainment aside, this semester has been particularly enjoyable – I’m finally getting past the core classes and into the elective ones where we basically read an article or a paper and discuss it in class.

Today, in lieu of a Youtube clip, my professor started off my Healthcare Economics class by sharing the way he now introduces Monopolies in his Econ 110 class (Introductory Economics for you non-BYU-ites). I will attempt to recreate that all for you here.

He starts by saying that one example of a monopoly is the BYU Bookstore. For starters, it’s a great tie because it is so close to home and pocketbook for anybody in his student audience. Furthermore, BYU, unlike other bookstores at other local universities, has a return policy that is linked to the campus’ honor code. They will only accept returns for your books if you have dropped the class the books are for, and not if you have found them cheaper from somewhere else. Easily skirted, if you just bend the truth a bit, but every student signs away their right to lie when they enroll for classes at BYU.

In January of this year, a girl who goes to BYU wrote an excellent article about this conundrum, and cited my professor… you can read the full text here if you like. In the article, she quoted the following from my professor regarding the bookstore’s policy:

"The policy acts as a tax on honesty. If a student is honest and purchases a replacement product elsewhere, no refund is available. However, if the student fudges the truth a bit, the student can get a refund. Honesty is punished.

"Most stores compete for consumers not just by the prices they charge, but by the service they give, with a refund policy being an important aspect of service. A more typical policy is to match a competitor's price, or to offer a money-back guarantee if a consumer finds a similar product for a cheaper price. But the Bookstore has a lot of market power given their location; they can act like a monopoly so perhaps they don't need to compete as hard as the typical retailer."

… All of which is absolutely true.

The part that gets funny is the way that the managers of the bookstore responded to the truth. (Admittedly, everything else I’ve got to say is opinion or anecdotal… but as they say in Russian, “In every joke, there is a slice of truth”, I choose to believe there are more than a few slices of truth in this…)

Reaction #1: Following the campus newspaper’s publication of the story I linked to above, the bookstore retaliated by pulling all of their advertising from the Daily Universe’s pages for more than a month.

Reaction #2: The managers of the campus bookstore got in touch with my Econ professor, on the pretense that they wanted to make sure that they were “on the same page”. These geniuses showed up in his office armed with a statistical comparison they had compiled, ready to lay down the law. They set out to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was cheaper for students to buy any of the textbook materials used in the Economics Department from the bookstore than it was to buy them online. They did a great job – using the used book prices at the bookstore against new prices from online retailers like Amazon.com. My teacher pointed out the apples-to-oranges comparison for them, and they quickly changed tack.

Reaction #3: “But the bookstore can’t be a monopoly, because we employ people who are bishops and stake presidents (LDS ecclesiastical leaders)…” I’m not quite sure which angle to attack this one from because it is so vulnerable. Another one of my Econ professors has created what he calls the “Ad Hominem Index”. It is used to judge the logical and rational strength of one’s argument based on the number of personal attacks in it. In a nutshell, it is an inverse relationship… if all you’ve got is “You’re wrong because you suck,” your argument isn’t going to go very well. I think what the bookstore employees had to say is pretty much the opposite of that style of arguing, but no stronger. They’re saying, “we can’t be an evil monopoly, because we’re good people!” Obviously, my professor didn’t have much trouble seeing through their crap, and the managers left, angry and defeated.

But they weren’t done yet.

Reaction #4: To get back at my professor, the bookstore pulled all of the materials he had ordered for his classes from their shelves, replacing them instead with a sign that said “See Professor”.

Today my professor structures his courses so that students don’t have to buy books from the bookstore. In particular, he and the other professors who teach Econ 110 have set the course up so that it can be taken without purchasing anything from the bookstore. All of the reading and coursework can be found on www.aplia.com, for a small fee that goes into Aplia’s pocket. Considering the fact that Econ 110 is a part of the general education core classes for BYU students, and not just Economics majors, the turnover is immense. Easily 400-500 students take Econ 110 every semester, and the bookstore doesn’t get a dime. If the students do want to buy a physical copy of the book, the professors all encourage them to buy it online through Aplia, who sells it for a price less than 50% of what the bookstore charges (even for a used copy.)

I picked Economics because I wanted to be something other than the average “Business-Finance” undergraduate. I stuck with Economics because I thought it was a really effective way of explaining the things that people do and why they do them. I LOVE Economics because in moments like these, it gives you the skill set to intelligently present an impersonal, yet irrefutable argument.

Amazing how a little bit of knowledge goes a long way.

Family Home Evening

Evan and I went out to dinner early this evening. We went to Spark Restaurant Lounge, and spent far more than we should, but it was marvelous. I love the food there. It also helped that we had a 40% off coupon (yay!).

When we got home we spent some time playing with the kids on the floor... mainly because sitting in chairs was painful on our stomachs. Oliver exhibited his rugby scrum moves, and toddled around cackling. Lena giggled and told us how much she missed us while we were gone. Then this happened:

Evan: Hey, Lena. Shhhhhhhhhh....

[farts really loudly]

Lena: Hahahahahahaha!

[Oliver laughs because everyone else is laughing]

Lena: Hey, Daddy. Shhhhhhhhhh.....

POOP!

At which point Evan and I rolled on the floor laughing. Laughing so hard that I thought I was going to puke up those 4 courses I just ate at the fancy restaurant. Laughing so hard that Lena started laughing hysterically at us. Laughing so hard that Oliver wandered over and sycophantically upped the volume of his laughter.

"Pooooooop! Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Poooooooooooop!"


So much for the spiritual message...

Having Our Cake (and Eating It Too)

Welcome to the family, Honda Accord Hybrid, otherwise known as 'Giggles' (Bwahahahaha). Part tree-hugging friendly, part anti-vegetarian, part comfortable family-mobile, part a$$-hauling 255 hp monster (0-60mph in 6.7secs... faster by a whopping 1.1 seconds than the 2005 BMW 325i, and tied with the 2008... neener-neener-neener!) - all of which is 100% worth signing away the next 60 months of our life. (It's so we can buy a house next, people... relax.) And all in a beautiful charcoal grey.

We love it. Now to teach Oliver how to say "vroom"... he did have the sputtering sound of the Jetta down pretty good. Thbbtttttttbbbbbtttttttthhhhhh!

Cupcakes

I must not have been thinking straight the day I decided that cupcakes would be a great idea for Lena's birthday party. Usually I hate baking. On a normal day I even hate baking from a box. So, when I decided that not only would I bake cupcakes, but I would bake cupcakes from scratch, I really must have been lapsing in my sanity.

In the week of Lena's birthday I made over 100 cupcakes (and ate at least a third of them, all by myself... I don't even want to know how much butter that was). After a lot of research I decided to go with a recipe from Magnolia Bakery in NYC for their vanilla cupcakes. I had a few trial runs, figuring out along the way that my oven doesn't heat to the temperature that it says it does, and that I need to read recipes properly (one teaspoon of vanilla extract is NOT one tablespoon of vanilla extract). Finally (on the day of Lena's party) I ended up with 50 pretty, domed cupcakes, that, whilst I am sure didn't do the Magnolia Bakery cupcakes justice, were fabulously delicious.

I also made a discovery: I enjoy icing cupcakes. I just used a knife because I couldn't be bothered/was too impatient to pipe. I actually found it oddly theraputic and fulfilling, kind of the same feeling I get whenever I am creating art. It was different, but not necessarily in a bad way. I thought they turned out kind of cute. I forgot to take pictures of them before the party, but did manage to round up a few of them the next day for you all to see... I apologize in advance because the prettier ones got eaten at the party.


Oh yeah... the recipe, so you can all make them for yourselves: Magnolia Bakery's Vanilla Cupcakes
and it includes the buttercream frosting recipe too.

All My Fault

We are (still) potty training Lena. Sometimes we have good days, and sometimes we have accidents. This morning it started out well. Lena was dry all night, and when she got up she politely asked Daddy if she could use her potty. Which she did. Later on today, however she had an accident whilst eating cookies in the kitchen. When I asked her why she didn't pee on her potty she looked at me thoughtfully, and then wagged her finger at me and said "It's 'cause of you!"

Right. It's all my fault.

That Would Have Been One Crowded Egg

I made quiche last night, and halfway through realized that we only had a handful of eggs left. Minor problem considering it was quiche and all. I promptly sent Evan off to good ol' Smiths on an egg buying quest. Despite the proximity to our apartment, we rarely go to Smiths anymore. I am offended to the core with the exorbitant prices that they charge for their substandard produce, amongst other things (like the distinct wateriness of their Vitamin D - full-fat for those non-Americans reading - milk). After Evan returned, eggs in tow, I was again reminded why we choose to grocery shop elsewhere. Sure, we pay a few cents more for our weekly carton of 18 eggs from Sunflower Market, but at least it doesn't feel as though we are eating genetically-modified eggs from mutant, hormone-stuffed, battery hens, fed and looked after so poorly that they produce flimsy-shelled eggs with pathetically tiny yolks. Anyway, this isn't a rant about my issues with Smiths, I promise. As I was adding eggs to my quiche mixture this happened:


That's right. One of those eggs had two yolks. Now I'm no "eggspert" or anything, but I am pretty sure that is not supposed to happen. I am also pretty sure that the egg white only has enough nutrients to support one embryo, so and egg with two yolk would inevitably become a failed egg. But it is funny to think about the possible scenarios if it did hatch successfully.

Trashy McFeline Update:

--to read more about how the nastiest cat in town forced itself into our lives--
--visit our friend's & neighbor's page here--

Although I truly wanted to let my imagination run wild with ways to mitigate the cat "problem"... Hannah talked me into taking it into a shelter.

Unfortunately, on the way to the animal shelter my practical side got the best of me and I had a bit of an epiphany...

Why was I going out of my way to take a rather gross not-really-a-kitten-anymore cat that I didn't want to a place full of animals that nobody else wants?

So I had a little bit of a training session with the cat and explained that it pretty much had two choices.

By choosing option one, it could go with the more conventional stop, drop & roll, where it would quickly learn about gravity. In case it preferred to postpone the effects of gravity, I gave it a crash course (pun intended), in the principles behind Bernoulli's theorem and the mechanics of flight: lots of speed, right attitude, and a tail to hold it steady.

Then I pulled into the fast lane on the freeway, carefully rolled down the passenger's side window, did the pre-flight checks, (landing gear, flaps, tail, engines,) and positioned the box it was riding in in the "eject" position.

... man that cat can JUMP! ...

At home, Hannah told me that Lena searched for the cat for all of 5 minutes...

"Kii-iii, wheah d' go?!" (Kitty, where'd you go?)

"Oh no! Wheah cat!"

"Caaa-aaaat" (the "t" is actually silent)



Then she got absorbed in a book and forgot all about our little visit from the stink fairy.


Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the actual making of this post. Some, however, may have been harmed in the research material for it. We take no responsibility for damaged windshields, broken headlights, paint chips, spray, splatter, or plopping of animal bits or other material that you may have come in contact with as a result of your reading said post. Also, this didn't really happen. The cat was taken safely to the shelter, of sound body... we can't vouch for the mind.